Internal Family Systems Therapy
What is Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy?
IFS is a gentle, supportive type of therapy that helps you make sense of the different parts of yourself. In IFS the idea is that we’re all made up of many different “parts”—kind of like an inner family. Each part has its own thoughts, feelings, and goals. These parts aren't random or broken—they all have a purpose and are trying to help you in their own way.
IFS helps you get to know these parts, understand what they’re trying to do for you, and bring more balance to how you feel and respond. At the heart of it is the idea that you also have a calm, wise inner “Self” that can lead the way with compassion and confidence.
A Brief History
IFS was created in the 1980s by Dr. Richard Schwartz, a family therapist who started noticing that people naturally talked about themselves in parts—like “a part of me is angry, but another part feels guilty.” He realized that these parts weren’t problems—they were trying to help, even if in unhelpful ways. So he developed IFS as a way to work with these inner parts, rather than fight them. Since then, IFS has grown into a respected and widely used approach for healing emotional pain and building a better relationship with yourself.
What Can IFS Help With?
IFS can be helpful for all sorts of emotional challenges, like anxiety, depression, trauma, low self-esteem, relationship struggles, or feeling stuck in patterns you can’t seem to break. It’s also great for people who are hard on themselves or feel like they’re constantly battling their own thoughts and feelings.
By learning to listen to your parts with curiosity instead of judgment, IFS helps you feel more connected, more in control, and more at peace with yourself.
The Main Types of Parts in IFS are
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Exiles
Exiles are the parts of us that carry emotional wounds from the past. These are usually younger parts—like inner children—that had to go through something painful, overwhelming, or confusing. They often feel hurt, ashamed, scared, rejected, or alone, and they carry the memories and feelings that came with those moments.
Because these feelings can be so intense, our system tries to “exile” them—pushing them out of our awareness so we don’t feel that pain all the time. But these parts never really go away. They’re still inside us, hoping for someone to notice them and help them heal.
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Managers
Managers are the parts of you that work hard behind the scenes to keep everything in order. Their main job is to prevent pain—especially the pain carried by your exiles—from coming up. They try to protect you by staying ahead of any danger, rejection, or emotional overwhelm.
These parts usually develop early in life, especially if you had to grow up fast or learn how to stay emotionally safe in a difficult environment. They tend to be responsible, careful, and often very critical—towards yourself and others.
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Firefighters
Firefighters are your emergency response team. They jump into action when a painful feeling (usually from an exile) starts to break through, and their mission is simple: shut it down—fast.
Unlike managers, who try to stay ahead of the problem, firefighters react in the moment when something overwhelming or upsetting comes up. Their methods can be impulsive, extreme, or numbing.
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The Self
In IFS, Self is the true you beneath all the parts. It’s not a role or a personality—it’s the part of you that’s naturally wise, grounded, and compassionate. Even if it doesn’t always feel present, it’s always there.
Self isn’t scared of your emotions or parts—it wants to understand them. When Self is in charge, your parts feel safe, heard, and valued. That’s when real healing can happen.